On the day of the Royal wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded by all of her family. She suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes. Panic!
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sophie's feet was hurting real bad.
When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the Family crowded around the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say 'God, that was tight.'
'There,' whispered the Queen. 'I told you she was a virgin.'
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. 'Right. Now for the other one.' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said. 'My God. That was even tighter.'
'That's my boy,' said the Duke. 'Once a sailor, always a sailor.’
—
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands slowly and carefully inside.
She then administered a tender and skilful massage for several long moments and softly asked 'How does that feel'?
Feels wonderful, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!
—
A U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas.
The Captain gets on the megaphone and shouts, “Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?”
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, “Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's.”
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter. The Captain finally catches his breath, gets back on the megaphone and asks, “Just the four of you?”
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No senor, we are the last four. The other 21 million are already there.”
--
There are over 500 professional bouncers in the US with an average annual salary of almost $12 million each!
They work for the NBA. |
