A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP....
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP....
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
—
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Chinese food condiment packets.
—
A young boy walks into a Halloween teen party with no shirt on, only wearing a pair of loose jeans.
The host says, “This is a costume party.”
The young boy responds, “I’m in costume. I’m a premature ejaculation.”
The host asks, “How’s that?”
“I just came in my pants.”
—
For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
—
What do rednecks do to celebrate Halloween?
Pumpkin.
—
Q: Why do skeletons make good comedians?
A: They are two humerus.
—
Q: What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game?
A: Tibial Pursuit.
--
10. What do skeletons say before dinner?
Bone appetite.
9. What subject is a witch's best subject in school?
Spelling.
8. Why do witches still fly on broom after all these years?
Vacuum cleaners don't have a long enough cord.
7. What do monsters have for desert?
Ice Scream.
6. Why didn't the skeleton cross the street?
He didn't have the guts.
5. What do people on Twitter do on Halloween?
Trick-or-tweet.
4. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare.
3. Where ghosts water ski?
On Lake Erie.
2. Where do ghosts go to relax?
The Dead Sea.
1. What do you call a witch who lives near Miami beach?
A sand-witch.
—
The best part of Halloween
is that the cobwebs in my house look like decorations.—I'm going as cocaine for Halloween.
That way someone will do me in the bathroom.
—
Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses celebrate Halloween?
They don't want any crazy people knocking on their door.
—
Monica Lewinski once dressed up for Halloween
as a vending machine with a sign that said "Insert Bill Here” |
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