| We went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.
“Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.”
By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, “Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?”
“No!” she said in a loud whisper. “The ‘TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE’ message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car.” | --
A blonde orders a beer.....
The bartender fills
the mug and
slides it down
the bar.
It hits the blonde
woman's boobs
and splashes all over them.
The bartender goes
over, retrieves the mug
and licks the beer off her boobs.
Each time the blonde calls
for another beer this happens.
So after the third beer,
a guy decides to
help the bartender out.
The next time the
bartender hit her
boobs, the man jumps
up and
starts to lick her
breasts.
She decks him!
He is lying on the floor
moaning, 'Jeez,
lady... Why do you let
the bartender do it and not
me?'
“Helloooo!", says the blonde”....
“He has a licker license!”
—
A lot of guys have nicknames for
their penises and I was recently given a nickname for mine.
It was by a woman while she was giving me a blow job.
She named it the Impaler, at least that's what I thought.
Turns out she was asthmatic and it's my fault she died.
—
Drug smugglers tried to take bales of marijuana to the states by boat. They didn't check the weather and ran into a terrible storm. The boat took water and sank. The marijuana washed up on an island where it was eaten by some seabirds.
It left no tern unstoned.
—
What do Yoko Ono and an Ethiopian ... have in common ?
They both live off dead beatles.
—
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