A teacher asks her class if they can use the word 'contagious' in a sentence.
A girl raises her hand and says, "The flu is very contagious."
"Very good", replies the teacher. She asks if anyone else can use the word in a sentence, and a boy raises his hand and says,
"My neighbor was painting her house by herself, and my dad said it would take the contagious.”
—
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a
sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.”
The man thinks: ” What does a priest know about sex?” So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, ”
My son, sex is definitely play.”
The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”
The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”
—
An Irish speech therapist
is trying to cure three stutterers of their speech defect with no success. Her job depends on curing at least one of the three men and she's starting to panic.
She finally tells them that if they can say the town they were born in without stuttering they can have sex with her.
She turns to the first guy and asks, " where were you born?". The guy says du du du du Dublin.
She turns to the next guy and asks him and he says b b b b Belfast.
She turns to the last guy, asks him, he he says London.
As they're having sex a few minutes later he says d d d d Derry. |
