A teenager is at his grandparents’ house.
He's staying for the weekend and it's pouring down rain outside. He's frustrated that he has to stay inside, so he sits at the window complaining. His grandfather comes up and sits next to him, resting an easy hand on his shoulder before speaking gently.
"Looks like it's raining a fair bit outside buddy, you'll have to be stuck inside with us" he said, smiling softly.
His grandson rolled his eyes and shrugged his grandfather's hand off his shoulder before responding bluntly. "Tell me something I don't know."
The grandfather's gaze shifts to the window as he clears his throat. "Well, your grandmother can take my entire fist in her ass.”
—
I said to my wife, "When I die, I'd like to die having sex.”
She said, "At least we know it’ll be quick.”
—
A Jewish mother is horrified to hear that her daughter is planning on divorcing her doctor husband.
"Does he hit you?" she asked.
"No Ma."
"Is he cheating on you?"
"No Ma."
"Did he lose his money?"
"No Ma."
"You live in a beautiful house, you have luxury cars, your clothes are of the finest quality, you have a staff to take care of the domestic chores. What does he do so wrong?"
"It's the anal sex ma. He likes the anal sex."
"And what's so bad about that?"
"It's terrible ma. Always with the anal sex. When we got married, my butthole was the size of a dime. Now it's the size of a quarter. It's just terrible."
"It seems like you are giving up an awful lot just for 15 cents.” |
