I said to my elderly mother: "Do you want to be buried or cremated?”
"Oh, I don't know," she replied. "Surprise me.”
—
"Grandpa, it says here that there are 20% more women at age 75 than men.”
"At age 75," sighed Grandpa, "Who cares?”
-
When I was younger I would fuck anything that moved
Now that I'm older, I don't like to place those kinds of limitations on myself.
—
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits. |
