C'mon now penni m'dear. At least Shady Acres is way upscale. Sorta the Savoy of retirement managed care. Here's the brochure.
I checked it out and they have nine, count'em, nine shuffleboard courts, with these fancy awnings here, see? including clay, artificial surface, and grass. Though there's only one grass one. Strictly for advanced players. A complete nine hole putt-putt golf course with golf carts and greenside oxygen tanks at every hole. And lessee...looka here now, every bedside has onea those nifty electrical thingies with the cups (y'know, like the ones in ER?) that they wack on ya when your ticker commences to tocking instead of ticking. And here. What an activities roster! Monday pinochle, Tuesday bridge, Wednesday go fish, Thursday bingo...
And the chow! Omigod, No Mas! Here look. They got this guy who usedta be a chef at Lutece in New York, only now he's done this deal where he took all their recipes and just cooks them a whole bunch extra so's they're easy to chew. And anyway, denture cream's one hundred percentally included in the package, so no annoying extra charges you weren't expecting, y'know, like when ya go on a cruise and they hit ya up for all this stuff ya didn't know ya hadda pay for separate?
Geez, I try to do something nice and WHAT HAPPENS?? Whimpering and whining, whining and whimpering. |
