Every day at six p.m. on a game reserve in Kenya a pride of lions gathered at a watering hole.
They didn't drink from it, and they made no attempt to attack passing impalas and zebras. Instead, they just sat and watched.
After a week of this, an elephant came over and asked them what they were doing.
The leader of the pride said: "We're waiting for the evening gnus.”
—
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with the suffix "tor" that ate things.
The first little boy said, "Alligator."
"Very good James, that's a big word."
The second boy said, "Predator.."
"Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
"Well, my mother has one and she says it eats fucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!”
—
I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. In my script it clearly said:
"Enter Juliette from the rear.”
—
A girl I know said the last time she had sex, it was like the men's Olympic 100 meter final.
I laughed, "What? Over in 9.5 seconds?"
"No," she said, "Eight black men and a gun.”
—
Marriage is like a late-night phone call. You get a ring and then wake up. |
