The batteries in my electric toothbrush died
before I finished.
I've never sympathized more with women in my life.
—
After courting for over fifty years, an elderly couple finally decided to get married. While out planning for the wedding, they dropped by the local drugstore.
Man: "Do you sell pills for arthritis?"
Assistant: "Yes we do."
Man: "Do you have anything for constipation?"
Assistant: "Yes we have."
Man: "What about heart medication?"
Assistant: "Yes, sir, many different types."
Man: "Sleeping pills?"
Assistant: "Yes."
Man: "Denture cleaner?"
Assistant: "Of course."
Man: "OK then. We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts.”
—
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. "Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. “ Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?'
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays.” |
