I am getting stronger with age.
I now can lift $100 of groceries with one hand.
—
A guy who's been drinking heavily in a bar staggers over to a woman sitting nearby.
With no warning, he puts his hand up her skirt and she slaps him.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he says. "You look like my wife.”
"What a worthless, fucking asshole you are !" she says scornfully.
“Wow," he says. "You even sound like her !”
—
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, all recently pregnant, are sitting together at the local bar, gossiping and talking about their lives.
When the subject of their pregnancies comes up, they all get exited, and begin speculating as to the sex of their children.
“I’m gonna have a boy” says the redhead.
After the other two ask how she knows, she explains that her child was conceived with her on top.
At this, the brunette exclaims “Well, I’m going to have a little girl! When we conceived her, I was on bottom.”
After a few moments of silence, the blonde breaks out in uncontrollable tears and begins to sob rather loudly.
After being comforted by her friends, the redhead asks “Whats wrong? Why are you crying?”
The blonde, still upset and wiping her eyes, proclaims “I’m gonna have puppies!”
—
| A guy and a girl meet at a bar.
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist.”
The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?”
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands.”
One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist.”
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm the best dentist in town, How did you figure that out?”
"Didn't feel a thing!” | |
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