Easter Joke Anthology:
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
He asks for a table for 26.
The head waiter says, “But there’s only 13 of you.”
Jesus says, “Yeah, but we’re all going to sit on the same side.”
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You know the good thing about Alzheimers sufferers at Easter?
They can hide their own eggs.
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Three blondes die and go to St. Peter. He says, "I have one question, and if you get it right, I will let you into Heaven.”
He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?”
She answers, "That's the time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey.”
St. Peter says to the next blonde, "What is Easter?”
She answers, "That's the time of year when the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney and our family gets together to open presents.”
St. Peter asks the third blonde, "What is Easter?”
She says, "That's when Christ died and they put him in a tomb behind a rock.”
"That's right!" exclaims St. Peter excitingly “Get those 2 other morons here to listen to this women.”
"Then, once a year," continues the third blonde, "we roll the stone away and he comes out, and if he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of winter.”
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I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg.
I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.”
He said, “Have to love Easter, baby.”
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I wasn't going to visit my family this Easter, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.
So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
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A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.
The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
“I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned,
waved,hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.”
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Jesus was born on Christmas day, died on Good Friday, and rose on Easter.
What are the odds of that happening ? |
