I've already heard like seven cancer puns today...
If I hear tumor, it's gonna benign.
—
What do you call a gonad that thinks it’s better than the other one ?
Egotesticle.
—
A man in a french village runs up to his local priest exclaiming 'Father! I just witnessed a man having sex with a dead woman in a field!"...
The priest is shocked but responds with 'That is a grave situation my son, I shall investigate immediately!'. The priest hurried to the nearby field, where he could clearly see one of the local men having sex with what seemed to be a corpse.
Mortified at this, but not having the courage to intervene himself, he hurries to the local policeman. The officer is shocked to hear of such a thing happening in his village and rushes off to the scene of the crime.
He returns within ten minutes with a grin on his face.
"No need to worry Father" he proclaims, "The woman is not dead, just British!”
—
One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.
The left half, more prone to rational thought, spent most of its time in libraries, and got an accounting gig. The right half, more creative, picked up painting, and taught pottery at the local community college.
On top of the spectacle of a man split in half, the townsfolk could not believe how rarely they saw both halves of Don at the same place. Indeed, nobody could think of even one occurrence of this happening.
Now one day, half a man walks into a bar. The left half of Don, always punctual, walked into the local watering hole at precisely 8:00, and ordered a shot of whisky, which the bartender poured for him.
At 8:01, the right half of Don wandered in, sat down, asked for a beer, and nodded to his other half, which nodded back. As the bartender poured him the beer, the left half of Don took his shot, left just enough to cover the bill, and left at precisely 8:02.
The bartender was astounded-- he was the first person to see the two halves interact since the accident. As it dawned on him how rare this was, the bartender exclaimed, a little louder than he wanted to, "Whole Don here for just one minute!" |
