.....With only seven days left in the Legislative session, I plan to approach this next week with a light-hearted tone. We should laugh at them instead of letting them get under our skin. Because humor is sometimes the only shield we’ve left against the absurdity of watching elected officials confuse petty performance with policymaking.
Let’s talk about meat.
Specifically, Briscoe Cain’s (R-HD128) burning desire to protect his God-given right to shove meat into his mouth without interference from science, progress, or anything remotely resembling the 21st century. During the final debate on SB261, which bans the sale of lab-grown meat in Texas, Cain treated us to a deeply unhinged TED Talk on why Texans must be saved from the horrors of “cell-cultured protein.”
Apparently, this bill isn’t just about meat. It’s about freedom. Because nothing screams liberty like the government banning a food product that literally no one is forcing you to eat. But Cain warned his colleagues that this whole lab-grown meat thing is part of a sinister vegan plot led by, brace yourself, the Good Food Institute (terrifying!) and a guy named Bruce who once worked for PETA (lock your doors, y’all).
He told the chamber that this bill is about protecting Texas from cow fart-hating scientists who love animals too much. Cain’s bottom line? Come hell or high water, nobody’s depriving his mouth of meat.
SB25 is what happens when you try to solve a massive, systemic, corporate-driven health crisis by duct-taping together recess, kale, and a committee.
Now let’s talk about SB25, the bill that started as “let’s teach kids to eat vegetables” and somehow morphed into a four-hour nutritional fever dream complete with lobbyists, pesticides, gym class wars, and a surprisingly emotional defense of marching band cardio.
At face value, it’s about requiring PE in schools, nutrition classes in college, and food labels for ingredients banned in the UK, like Red 40, titanium dioxide, and the soul of Little Debbie.
But then it got weird.....
lonestarleft.com |
