An English test question asked us to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence.
I wrote, "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.”
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A guy buys a vintage motorcycle he saw for sale in an ad in the paper. When he goes to pick the bike up, the dude who sells him the bike says, "
"Now remember....that's all original leather. You can't let it get too wet. If it starts raining and you don't have anywhere to shelter it, make sure you keep a tub of vaseline with you. Rub it all over the seat so the water will just bead off."
The guy takes his new bike and goes to pick up his girlfriend. The girlfriend invites the guy over to her parents house for dinner. This will be the first time he's ever eaten with her family.
"I should let you know the rule of the table" she said. "There is no talking allowed. The first person to talk at the table has to clean the dishes."
The guy doesn't think this is that big of a deal until he arrives at the family's house and looks in the kitchen.
There must be at least three months worth of dishes inside. They are stacked up to the ceiling, stinking and rotting of mold and old bits of food everywhere. The guy almost throws up at the smell and sight of such a disgusting state of affairs.
Dinner begins, and no one is saying a word. The tension is starting to get to the boyfriend, so he concocts a plan to make someone else speak first.
The guy drops his fork, goes over to his girlfriend at the table, throws her up on top and just starts fucking her in front of everyone. The father and mother are obviously embarrassed. But even with their jaws on the floor, no one says a word.
The guy stops and thinks to himself "This is going to be harder than I thought...." then he gets another idea.....
Without hesitation, he runs over to the mother throws her up on the table and fucks the shit out of her, right in front of the father.
The dad is staring daggers through the boyfriend and turning bright red in anger. But still says nothing. The girlfriend is becoming teary eyed and covering her mouth with her hands, but doesn't make a peep.
The boyfriend stops fucking the mother and sits back down at his seat, completely flustered. He takes a gander out the window, and notices a sudden heavy rain has settled in. He then realizes that his vintage motorbike is parked on the street, uncovered.
The boyfriend pops out of his seat and grabs his tub of vaseline. The dad jumps out of his chair and yells out,
"ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO THE GODDAMNED DISHES!”
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What's worse, being gay, or being black?
Being black is better, because you don't have to tell your parents.
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| A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest.
Looking at them, the wife said to her husband "I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
Husband said, "Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball." |
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