Husband says, "My olympic condoms have arrived tonight so I am going to wear a gold one."
Wife says, "Why don’t you wear a silver one and come second for a change?”
—
While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head.
The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter’s date says, “I can get the peanut out.” He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father’s nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, “Isn’t he smart? I wonder what he plans to be.”
The father says, “From the smell of his fingers, I’d say our son-in-law.”
—
After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.
He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.
As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.
The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth wide.
The dentist got close enough & said, "Man did you have a 69 before you came here?”
Kevin, shocked says, "Why, No! Does my breath smell like pussy?”
The dentist says, "No, but your forehead smells like shit!” |
