So, I trained a chicken to talk
WIFE: Well, let’s see
ME: What’s a male deer?
CHICKEN: Buck
ME: How much is 200 pennies?
CHICKEN: Buck Buck
WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound
ME: Oh believe me it gets better
CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan.
—
Golf Quotes:
1.Three over today! One over a house, one over a patio, and one over a swimming pool..
~ Baseball Hall of Famer George Brett
2. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula and I took a 7 to do that.
~ Sportswriter Jim Murray
3. The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play a bad lie.
~ Baseball Hall of Famer Mickey Mantle [and Donald Trump]
4. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
~ Actor Kevin Costner
5. I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
~ PGA Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
6. After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
~ PGA Golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez
7. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
~ Tom Weiskopf
8. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
~ Lord Robertson
9. Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner
and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
~ Jack Benny
10. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
~ Ben Hogan
11. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
~ Jack Nicklaus
12. The Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course.
~ Billy Graham
13. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
~ Bob Hope
14. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake in a sand trap.
~ Henny Youngman
15. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball
~ Jack Lemmon
16. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband's work.
~ Lee Trevino |
