We'll always love you Ozzy.
Following Death Of Ozzy Osbourne, England Overrun With Millions Of Bats
LONDON — BBC News confirmed Wednesday that England is currently being overrun with millions of bats following the passing of heavy metal legend John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne.
"We are advising everyone to stay indoors until further notice," said a spokesperson for the UK Health Security Agency, who reportedly advised the government to raise the national threat level to severe. "With Ozzy Osbourne gone, bats have no one to bite their heads off."
According to Natural England, Ozzy Osbourne is the only known natural predator of bats and, if they don't do something quickly, the bat population may explode across the entire globe. "Bats can fly and Ozzy is dead," warned zoologist David Mancroft. "You do the math."
In London, bats reportedly crept in unnoticed through the tube system before exploding onto the surface at dusk where they proceeded to take over parliament and all major bridges. Few Londoners escaped without a bat flying into their hair or burka, causing quite a scare.
"London is lost," said a fearful Prime Minister Keir Starmer. "England may very well collapse without Ozzy Osbourne."
Ozzy, who lived in nearby Buckinghamshire, acted as a sort of black hole to bats, say sources. But with him gone, bats are free to ravage the countryside without fear.
At publishing time, U.S. President Trump shut down travel to and from the United Kingdom in what many believe is a vain attempt to slow the spread of the unchecked bat population.
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