A young priest asks a wise older priest, "What's the difference between the Jesuit and Dominican Orders?"
The older priest says wearily, "Well, actually they have a lot in common. They were both founded by Spaniards, St. Dominic for the Dominicans, and St. Ignatius of Loyola for the Jesuits. They were also both founded to combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Lutherans."
The younger priest says, "I see. But where do the Jesuit and Dominican Orders really differ?"
The older priest looks at him and says, "Well, have you met any Albigensians lately?”
—
Two guys ring the bell of the brothel
Two guys ring the bell of the brothel. The Madam opens the door.
-- What do you want?
-- What can we get for five dollars?
-- For five dollars you can jerk each other off in those bushes over there.
She shuts the door.
A few minutes later the bell rang again. The Madam opens the door. It's the same two guys:
-- Who do we pay?
—
A woman walks into the doctor’s office, a little concerned.
“Doctor,” she says, “every morning I wake up with this weird grey smudge on my lower belly.”
The doctor frowns, examines the spot, and takes a sample to run some tests. “Nothing to worry about yet,” he says. “Let’s see what we’re dealing with.”
A week later, the woman returns for the results.
The doctor greets her with a polite but curious expression. “I hope you don’t mind me asking,” he says, “But… is your husband, by any chance, a carpenter?”
The woman blinks. “Why yes, he is! How did you know?”
The doctor sighs and smiles gently. “Well… next time, maybe ask him to take the pencil from behind his ear before he goes down on you.”
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