Somber Democrats Mourn DC Going A Record Ten Days Without A Murder
POLITICS·Aug 25, 2025 · BabylonBee.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a muted display of mourning, a group of somber Democrats commemorated the unprecedented streak of 10 murder-free days in Washington, D.C.
According to witnesses, teary-eyed Democrat politicians congregated by the Reflecting Pool to decry the brutal, crushing lack of murders caused by President Trump's deployment of the National Guard to the United States capital district.
"Our hearts and thoughts go out to the violent criminals who have been adversely affected by Trump's arbitrary authoritarianism," said Chuck Schumer, the Senate minority leader. "Together, we mourn the 10-day streak of enforced law and order that has taken over the beautiful city of Washington, D.C., and we vow to bring the city's murder levels back to normal as soon as we can. Please join me for a moment of silence."
According to US Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the city has felt unsettling ever since federal troops were deployed.
"Normally, I get murdered two or three times a week," AOC said, casting glances over her shoulder like a hunted rabbit. "But the quiet in the city for the last 10 days? It's positively unnerving. I can feel it coming. Someone, help, please — Trump is literally murdering me with stress right now!"
Tragically, AOC was unable to provide further comment, as she was murdered several times by seeing a passing car with an American flag sticker.
At publishing time, Democrats had been seen weeping inconsolably over the possibility that Trump might broker a world peace deal as well. |
