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Pastimes : Jokes and Humor Only

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From: Tomato9/1/2025 11:32:42 AM
   of 6590
 
Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry).

When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said,

"They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más.”

-

I’m writing a remake of my favorite Nicolas Cage film, but set in Ireland.



Everyone will love it. After all, who wouldn't enjoy Con Aer Lingus.

--

Why did 1/5 get a massage?


Because he was 2/10.



I saw a man with a bucket on his head.



When i asked what he was doing, he explained "I always wear a bucket on my head on Monday.”

"But today is Tuesday?" I asked.

He blushed. "Oh no, I must look like such an idiot!”



Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win.


He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums .

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again..

The winning number was 707.

Moral of the story : Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life.


My father was a conjoined twin. We called his brother my uncle on my father's side. Until the operation….

Now he's my uncle once removed.



Why did the conjoined twins take a trip to England?

So the other one could drive.
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