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- I owe my Biden-supporting family and friends an apology. I’ve been critical of the Biden presidency and am still exhausted from the experience. But to be fair, President Biden wasn’t that bad, except when he:
- Botched the Afghanistan withdrawal, leaving 13 U.S. service members dead in a suicide bombing and abandoning billions in military equipment to the Taliban.
- Mismanaged inflation that hit 9.1%—the highest in 40 years—eroding Americans' savings and forcing families to cut back on essentials.
- Called the southern border crisis not a crisis, even as encounters topped 10 million and fentanyl poured in, killing over 100,000 Americans annually.
- Handled classified documents in his garage and Penn Biden Center office, then his DOJ slow-walked the probe while prosecuting Trump for similar issues.
- Pardoned his son Hunter on federal gun and tax charges, plus preemptively pardoned family members and aides to shield them from future scrutiny.
- Stumbled through a disastrous debate performance in June 2024, mumbling incoherently and freezing up, which forced him to drop his reelection bid weeks later.
- Ignored warnings about his cognitive decline, with aides scripting his schedule to limit unscripted moments and gaslighting reporters who raised age concerns.
- Rejoined the WHO without reforms, despite its cover-up of COVID origins and praise for China's handling.
- Lied about his involvement in Hunter’s shady foreign deals, even as bank records showed over $20 million flowing to Biden family members from China, Russia, and Ukraine.
- Appointed Kamala Harris as "border czar" who visited the border once and laughed off questions about the migrant surge.
- Gave away oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve to manipulate gas prices for midterms, depleting reserves to historic lows without replenishing them.
- Weaponized the DOJ against parents protesting school boards, labeling them "domestic terrorists."
- Falsely claimed he created "15 million jobs" when it was just a rebound from COVID layoffs under Trump.
- Pushed through $5 trillion in spending that supercharged inflation, then bragged about "Bidenomics" as grocery prices rose 25%.
- Failed to secure the border, allowing over 400,000 gotaways in FY2024 alone, many on terror watchlists.
- Withdrew from energy independence by canceling Keystone XL and pausing new leases, driving up gas to $5 a gallon nationwide.
- Sided with radical environmentalists by pausing LNG exports, handing Europe and Asia to Russia and Qatar.
- Botched the baby formula shortage by not invoking the Defense Production Act sooner, leaving shelves empty for months.
- Diverted billions in COVID relief to foreign aid and green projects while Americans waited for stimulus checks.
- Nominated radical judges who freed violent criminals, including one who called ICE agents "deplorable."
- Ignored the East Palestine train derailment for weeks, sending no federal aid until shamed by Trump’s visit.
- Pushed vaccine mandates that divided the country and led to firings of military personnel and healthcare workers.
- Falsely accused border agents of "whipping" migrants for a photo op, then refused to apologize when proven wrong.
- Allowed the FBI to raid Trump’s home over documents while Biden’s were quietly retrieved with no charges.
- Blamed "MAGA Republicans" for every failure, from inflation to the border, instead of owning policy choices.
- Pardoned more people than any modern president, including the "kids-for-cash" judge and January 6 non-violent offenders to score political points.
- Failed to deliver on student loan forgiveness after Supreme Court rejection, wasting billions in legal fees.
- Let Iran seize U.S. oil tankers and attack Israel without consequences, enriching them with $6 billion in frozen funds.
- Encouraged Big Tech censorship of COVID dissent, then denied it despite Twitter Files revelations.
- Claimed executive privilege to hide audio of his interview on classified docs, admitting it showed his "poor memory."
- Appointed a "Disinformation Governance Board" to police speech, which was rightly scrapped as Orwellian.
- Ignored the Cuban protests in 2021, offering only weak words while Castro’s regime cracked down.
- Pushed EV mandates that forced Americans into unaffordable cars while China dominates battery production.
- Falsely claimed no U.S. troops died under his watch, forgetting the 13 in Kabul.
- Allowed the IRS to hire 87,000 new agents, many armed, to target middle-class taxpayers.
- Botched the response to Hurricane Helene, delaying FEMA aid to swing states amid conspiracy theories.
- Claimed he was arrested crossing the bridge in Selma—decades before it happened.
- Nominated a Supreme Court justice who couldn’t define "woman" during confirmation hearings.
- Pushed "equity" policies that prioritized race over merit in everything from grants to military promotions.
- Ignored the spy balloon from China floating over U.S. airspace for a week before shooting it down.
- Falsely said gas prices were "skyrocketing" under Trump when they averaged $2.50 a gallon.
- Appointed a trans official to oversee nuclear waste without relevant qualifications.
- Claimed he drove an 18-wheeler recently—his last CDL expired in the 1970s.
- Pardoned the marathon bomber’s advisor and other controversial figures on his way out.
- Delayed Ukraine aid for months, emboldening Putin despite billions eventually sent.
- Called half the country "semi-fascists" for disagreeing on policy.
- Pushed through a $1.9 trillion "relief" bill in 2021 that economists said fueled inflation.
- Failed to build even one mile of border wall despite promising humane reform.
- Appointed a climate envoy who called for "debanking" oil executives.
- Claimed he was a "full professor" of constitutional law—he audited one class.
- Ignored the Title IX overhaul that let boys in girls’ sports and bathrooms.
- Pushed amnesty for 11 million illegals, rewarding lawbreakers over citizens.
- Falsely said he visited Ground Zero "the day after" 9/11—he wasn’t there until September 12.
- Allowed the Pentagon to promote "woke" training over combat readiness.
- Claimed inflation was "transitory" for two years while prices doubled on eggs and gas.
- Botched the debt ceiling fight, nearly causing default and a recession.
- Pushed gender ideology in schools, confusing kids with drag queen story hours funded by grants.
- Ignored the Haitian migrant crisis, flying thousands directly into U.S. cities.
- Claimed he ended cancer as his moonshot goal—cases rose under his watch.
- Appointed a HUD secretary who prioritized "equity audits" over housing shortages.
- Falsely accused oil companies of "war profiteering" instead of his own anti-energy policies.
- Delayed insulin price caps to just three drugs, leaving millions still burdened.
- Pushed through a "green" deal that subsidized bird-killing windmills while banning fracking.
- Claimed he was the first president to visit a war zone without a flak jacket—FDR did it in WWII.
- Allowed China to buy U.S. farmland near military bases without restrictions.
- Botched the SVB collapse response, bailing out rich depositors over $250K limit.
- Pushed "climate reparations" that sent billions abroad while U.S. wildfires raged.
- Claimed he created the internet—Al Gore got that one, but Biden tried.
- Ignored the FBI whistleblowers on Hunter’s laptop suppression.
- Pushed a "build back better" agenda that built nothing but deficits.
- Falsely said no amendments to the Constitution were ratified under his watch—plenty were.
- Appointed a VA secretary who expanded gender treatments for vets.
- Claimed he was arrested in South Africa protesting apartheid—no record exists.
- Delayed aid to Israel after October 7, 2023, Hamas attack, tying it to "humanitarian" strings.
- Pushed through a TikTok ban bill that censors American creators too.
- Ignored the monkeypox outbreak until it spread, then downplayed it.
- Claimed he unified the country—polls showed record division.
- Botched the Mar-a-Lago docs case by treating it differently from his own.
- Pushed "junk fees" crackdown while his admin racked up $34 trillion in debt.
- Falsely said he won the popular vote in 2020 by the most ever—not even close.
- Allowed the EPA to regulate cow farts while ignoring real pollution.
- Claimed he was a civil rights hero in the 1960s—he opposed busing.
- Delayed the Francis Scott Key Bridge rebuild after collapse, citing "supply chain" excuses.
- Pushed amnesty via executive order, overriding Congress.
- Ignored the Chinese spy base in Cuba.
- Claimed he flew 72 million miles as VP—closer to 1.3 million.
- Botched the Sudan evacuation, leaving Americans stranded.
- Pushed "disaster relief" that funded drag shows but not flood victims.
- Falsely said he visited Pittsburgh synagogue "right after" the shooting—days later.
- Allowed the State Dept to fund anti-Israel protests abroad.
- Claimed he ended the forever wars—then started proxy ones in Ukraine and Gaza.
- Ignored the IRS whistleblower on Hunter’s plea deal sweetheart terms.
- Pushed through a "respect for marriage" act that mocked religious liberty.
- Delayed response to Maui fires, letting them rage for days.
- Claimed he was middle class—his family’s net worth exploded via influence peddling.
- Botched the Turkey earthquake aid, sending mixed signals.
- Pushed "equity" in disaster relief, delaying aid based on race.
- Falsely said he taught at the University of Pennsylvania—he was a guest lecturer.
- Allowed the FAA to ground flights over a computer glitch for days.
- Claimed he created 800,000 manufacturing jobs—many were rehires.
- Ignored the Venezuelan gang takeover of NYC subways.
- Pushed a "cancer moonshot" that increased rates.
- Delayed the Artemis moon landing to 2026 after billions spent.
- Claimed he was arrested by police in Delaware—no evidence.
- Botched the Haiti gang crisis, ignoring pleas for intervention.
- Pushed through a "gun safety" law that did nothing for urban violence.
- Ignored the FBI’s raid on a pro-life dad’s home over a protest.
- Claimed he unified NATO—but Turkey blocked Sweden for years.
- Delayed response to Ohio chemical spill, downplaying health risks.
- Pushed "build back broke" with trillions in deficits.
- Falsely said he was endorsed by the Fraternal Order of Police—they backed Trump.
- Allowed the CDC to hide myocarditis risks from COVID shots.
- Claimed he ended insulin at $15—only for Medicare, and delayed.
- Botched the Pakistan flood aid, tying it to climate lectures.
- Pushed a "democracy summit" that excluded allies like Hungary.
- Ignored the IRS targeting of conservatives—again.
- Claimed he was a trucker during the 1970s crisis—he wasn’t.
- Delayed the Ukraine counteroffensive by withholding F-16s.
- Pushed "joy" as a policy while crime soared in blue cities.
- Falsely said he won a Super Bowl bet with Dean—it was a college game.
- Allowed the Treasury to change SAR rules to hide Biden family deals.
- Claimed he created the CHIPS Act alone—bipartisan effort.
- Botched the Yemen Houthi response, letting them attack ships.
- Pushed "abortion tourism" funding in relief bills.
- Ignored the FBI’s censorship of lab leak theory.
- Claimed he was the first to cap insulin—Trump started it.
- Delayed the Gaza aid pier, which washed away after $300 million.
- Pushed through a "pension bailout" for unions only.
- Falsely said he visited troops in Iraq "every year"—sporadic.
- Allowed the DOJ to sue parents over book bans.
- Claimed he ended the draft—it was post-Vietnam.
- Botched the Sudan ceasefire, letting famine spread.
- Pushed "climate justice" that hit poor the hardest.
- Ignored the whistleblower on Biden’s autopen signatures.
- Claimed he was a lifeguard who saved 7 lives—unverified.
- Delayed the Taiwan arms sales, emboldening China.
- Pushed a "trans rights" EO that ignored women’s sports.
- Falsely said he flew more miles than any VP—unconfirmed.
- Allowed the EPA to poison water in Jackson, MS.
- Claimed he created 13 million jobs—inflated numbers.
- Botched the Niger coup response, losing a key base.
- Pushed "DEI" in FAA hiring, leading to near-misses.
- Ignored the IRS leak of Trump’s returns.
- Claimed he was arrested in Georgia for civil rights—no record.
- Delayed the Israel-Hamas ceasefire talks with mixed messages.
- Pushed through a "farm bill" that cut SNAP for kids.
- Falsely said he won the 2024 primary—dropped out.
- Allowed the CDC to overcount COVID deaths for funding.
- Claimed he unified the Dems—they lost the House, Senate, and White House.
- And a whole bunch of other things I can’t remember at the moment.
- Please share widely - TIA!!! ~ Parody inspired by the original, author unknown.
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