WH Construction Crew finds 1357 more Cocaine Stashes
<<WASHINGTON, D.C. — Construction workers tasked with building a new White House Ballroom reportedly discovered 1,357 stashes of cocaine hidden within the walls and ceilings of the East Wing.
Work on the project was briefly postponed on Tuesday when a tracked excavator demolishing a section of the East Wing suddenly tore through what turned out to be several kilos of heat-sealed polyethylene-wrapped cocaine, scattering it into the wind. Initially, workers cleared the area, fearing asbestos exposure, but after becoming strangely energetic and fearless, they returned to work.
Secret Service agents later determined that the powdery substance was actually cocaine and that the construction crew was "as high as a kite." A spokesman revealed that a full investigation was now underway to determine the source of the narcotics.
"I'm just glad it wasn't asbestos," said Carlos Antoine, one of several construction workers on site. "That stuff is dangerous."
Though the investigation was technically ongoing, President Donald Trump was not shy about who he believed to be responsible. "Hunter Biden's legacy lives on," Trump said. "Junkie Hunter, that's what he was. What a waste of a life that man is. He can't even keep track of his coke. He must have forgotten about all of it. What a joke. Jokey Coke Hunter, I call him."
At publishing time, the $250 million White House ballroom renovation had been fully paid off by selling all of the stashed cocaine.>>
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