At a party, a wife admonished her husband.
“That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Aren't you embarrassed?”
“Why should it? I keep telling them it’s for you.”
—
Man: "Doc, I have this problem."
Doc: "Tell me about it."
Man: “Well, my secretary loves to give blow jobs. Every morning when I get to work, she gives me a blow job.
Then, right before lunch, she gives me another one.
And before I leave work at the end of the day, she gives me an extra special one."
Doc: "So what's the problem?”
Man: "Well, you see, my wife is a nymphomaniac. I service her every morning when we get up, every day I go home for lunch, and then each night before we go to sleep."
Doc: "I still don't know what the problem is.”
Man: "Well, you see, every time I masturbate, I get these dizzy spells.”
—
| An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the Governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it." And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the tub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!" |
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