WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democratic lawmakers quietly admitted on Friday that they can't seem to remember why they shut down the government in the first place.
Washington insiders confirmed that the party had held several closed-door meetings to try and figure out what the government shutdown was all about. Thus far, none of them has been able to remember.
"What was it that we started this over again?" asked House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries. "I'm sure it had to do with something really meaningful and important, like demanding black people be allowed to vote or something, right? Wait, I'm black and I vote all the time. That can't be it."
According to sources, party members were aware of the rumors that they shut down the government over health care for illegal aliens, but were sure that that couldn't possibly be the reason. "Why would we ever do something so stupid?" asked Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi. "No, the shutdown must be about climate change or something else a lot more important-sounding."
Despite no clear cause, however, Democrats confirmed that they were not budging on the shutdown. "Just give us a few days, we'll figure it out," Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer told his Republican colleagues. "I'm sure we have a very good reason for disrupting the funding of food stamps and alienating our own constituents. I'm just sure of it."
At publishing time, Democratic lawmakers issued a statement that while they couldn't remember why they had shut down the government, they were absolutely certain that it was because of Donald Trump.
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