Rambi finished off the Power Bar and drank from the canteen she had hanging from her thong next to the make-up case. Most of the men had wandered off to do whatever desperados did when they weren't desperading. The skinny leader with the seductively greased hair, the viscerally disturbing odor of which her delicate and sensitive nostrils could pick up even at this distance, appeared to be having a serious argument with himself, occasionally slapping himself across the face. Rambi decided this would be a good time to reconnoiter. She glided in her inimitably sensuous manner from fern to plant to tree until she reached the shack, where she could see a blank window cut roughly into the cheap wood. Dust motes swam in the dim light as she peered in and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust, but at last she located Bub sitting on an upturned pail and talking intently to a small pig. Rambi felt a thrill of excitement as she whipped her Essential Spanish for the Tourist from her thong.
"Psssst," she hissed at Bub. "Su conchinito es el mas lindo, senor!"
"Huh?" Bub looked up.
He apparently didn't understand Spanish. Rambi sighed in disappointment, "I just told you your pig was pretty."
"Oh, thanks." Bub looked a little confused. "Hey, can you get me out of heah?"
"No but I've got something that will give you a fighting chance against that chicken." Rambi pulled her spare RPG-7 from her thong and held it up. Bub overturned the pail in his excitement at the sight of the weapon and in his haste to get to the window stepped on the pig who squealed angrily in protest.
"Way cool," he cried.
"Whoa, are you sure you can handle this? It packs one nasty recoil."
Bub gave her an injured look. "They ain't made the ordnance Ah cain't handle, babe."
Rambi nodded doubtfully and tossed the sleek and deadly instrument of death in to him.
"Yeehaw," said Bub. "Bring on that rooster. And then lemme at that naked woman."
"You are so sickly carnal," said Rambi, rolling her eyes. So thoroughly appalled by Bub's earthy and coarse view of the relationships between man and woman, a subject about which Rambi secretly held ethereal and elevated ideals, that she didn't hear the stealthy approach of the man behind her..... |
