While Juan attended to his pet chicken, Rambi wandered off unnoticed, wondering what Bub was up to. She thought perhaps she ought to check on him at Casa Yadayada, but then noticed him wandering alone down the path into the swamp, the sun glinting off his Casull, looking quite determined and content, a happy warrior with a mission. She'd
catch up with him later. She started toward the house, thinking that a bath might be nice and checking to see if she had her Lanvin bathsalts with her.
The house appeared rather quiet, but she approached with Uzi drawn and ready. A few bodies sprawled around the yard. At first she wondered if there had been a final shootout while she and Bill (she blushed, wondering if it were too bold to think of him that way) enjoyed their tea, but on closer inspection, most of them appeared to be either
drunk or taking their afternoon siesta.
The house was -unique, a sort of Elvis meets Juan Valdez blend of serape and black velvet. She made her way cautiously to the back of the house, looking into each room as
she went until she came to the master bedroom. A strange thumping came from behind a door and she lowered herself into a crouch before stealthily creeping over to it and flinging it open.
My God! A woman had hung herself from the shower with a washcloth!!
But she wasn't yet dead! She turned ferocious eyes on Rambi , who rushed to her and realized that this wasn't a suicide attempt but a terrible and cruel.attack on a sister. Nothing brought out the savage in Rambi more than abuse of women. Libert‚, sororit‚, sup‚riorit‚, she muttered as she cut the washcloth from the woman's purplish livid face. A stream of Spanish issued forth from the newly released mouth . Rambi tried to look up some of the words, but couldn't find them in her Essential Spanish for Tourists.
"Who did this to you?" she demanded and almost fainted in shock at the answer. They both turned as a third woman entered the bathroom.
"Do you have any nail polish?" Vagina asked, unbothered by the strange sight of two women standing semi-clad in a bathtub. "Although I don't suppose it matters much now." She began to cry."He's left me again. He always leaves me. Men are such scum." She caught sight of herself in the mirror and frowned. "Do you have any Revlon Iced
Amethyst lipstick?"
"Look eeen the drawer, but the L'Oreal Red BerryBerry would looks betters on you."
"I think so too," agreed Rambi.
Vagina began to rummage through the drawer. "I suppose this doesn't matter either," she began to weep again.
"Who has hurt you like this?" demanded Rambi.
"Alan of the honey gold chesthair and camouflage vest." Vagina sighed and pouted her lips at the mirror, admiring the new color she was carefully applying with a brush.
"And my H-juan casts me dirtzide for thees Rambopuss of the knockknocks so beeeg."
Rambi looked at Eemelda's generous bounty and then down at herself in some surprise.
"All men are slime." She declared, but quickly amended, "Except for my DryGulch."
She pulled a few extra weapons from her thong and offered them to the women. Eemelda was thrilled with her Glock and stuck it between her massive breasts.
"Careful! Make sure the safety's on!" Rambi warned.
"Don't you have something to match my shirt?" asked Vagina.
"Sisters. It is time for the Revolution."
"Si, si! Hermanas de la revolucion!"
"Whatever, " Vagina yawned.
The women marched from the bathroom, singing Bread and Roses. |
