Alex, show this one to the loving spouse. :-)
The Evolution of Mom
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
Your clothes
1st: you begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your ob-gyn confirms your pregnancy.
2nd: you wear regular clothes for as long as possible
3rd: your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes
The baby's name:
1st: You pore over baby name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites
2nd: someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis. Might as well be you.
3rd: you open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls.
Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the birth:
1st: you practice your breathing religiously
2nd: you don't bother practicing because you remember that last time,
breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd: you ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The layette:
1st: you prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in baby's little bureau.
2nd: you check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd: boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
1st: at the first sign of distress- a whimper, a frown, you pick up the baby.
2nd: you pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd: you teach your 3 year old how to rewind the mechanical swing
Activities
1st: you take your infant to baby gymnastics, baby swing, and babystory hour
2nd: you take your infant to baby gymnastics
3rd: you take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner
Going out:
1st: the first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd: just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd: you leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At home:
1st: you spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby
2nd: you spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd: you spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children
PART TWO
Feeling the Baby Move
First Child: I placed my hand on my wife's tummy every chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.
Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in all of our letters to our family.
Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it out during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.
Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. I turned to her and said "Cant you make your tummy stay still? I'm trying to sleep." When it became clear that the baby would be jumping around for a while, we called the pizza man for a delivery.
The Trip to the Hospital
First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H contraction, we rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.
Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and another at her feet.
Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as she started having regular contractions. When they were five minutes apart and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow to hold along the way.
Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and told me that she was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told her to drive herself because I didn't want her bleeding on the carpet.
Pacifier Falls on Floor
First Child: Mother picks it up, runs to the kitchen and disinfects it by boiling in water for ten minutes. Then, after it cools down for ten minutes, she gives it back to the child.
Second Child: Mother picks it up, washes it off in hot water, blows on it to cool it down, and gives it back to the child
Third Child: Mother picks it up, licks it off, and gives it back to the child.
Fourth child: Dog picks it up and licks it off. Mother gives it back to the child.
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Michael |
