Since "humor" seems to be the theme of the day, I thought I would make my "totally unrelated to St. Patty's Day" contribution. You could call this "soft" humor; Microsoft, that is.
THIS WILL MAKE A LOT MORE SENSE IF YOU'VE EVER HAD TO CALL MICROSOFT'S "HELP" LINE...
"Brussels police department, how may I assist you?"
"Uh.. yes.. I just got hit in the face with a cream pie."
"Okay, sir. Have you called the Brussels police department before?"
"No"
"Well, let me get a little information about you for our records. Your
name?"
"Bill Gates"
"Country?"
"The USA"
"Native language?"
"English"
"Okay, sir. Your police department ID number is BP31415927. Please use
this number the next time you call. Now, you say you were hit in the
face with a pie?"
"Yes, I was just about to meet with the Belgian Prime Minister. One
person distracted me while another hit me with a cream pie."
"We've had other customers report that they were hit in the face with a custard pie. Are you sure it was a cream pie?"
"Well, I have white stuff all over my face and I don't see any custard, so I really don't think it was a custard pie."
"Have you visited the Prime Minister before?"
"Yes"
"Were you hit in the face with a pie then?"
"No"
"Hmm... have you visited any other Prime Ministers in the past month?"
"Yes"
"Any pies then?"
"No"
"Okay, well.. let's try something. Go outside the building and come in
again. I'll wait."
"Just a minute.." <several minutes pass> "Okay, I'm back."
"Did you get hit by another pie?"
"Of course not"
"Well sir, I don't know what could have caused the first pie, but it
looks like things are working fine now. I'll make a note of the problem, though. If it happens again, please note the exact details of the situation and call us again. Thank you for calling the Brussels Police Department. <click>"
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AT A RECENT COMPUTER EXPO (COMDEX), BILL GATES REPORTEDLY COMPARED THE COMPUTER INDUSTRY WITH THE AUTO INDUSTRY AND STATED:
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that go 1,000 miles per gallon."
RECENTLY GENERAL MOTORS ADDRESSED THIS COMMENT BY RELEASING THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to
buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and
you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and
fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange
reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you
bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to
their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a
single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what
happened. |
