Afternoon of the Iguana
A True Life Adventure
The day was heavenly, the weather glorious. I made my way down a path lined with hot pink bougainvillea and vivid hibiscus to the pool area, pausing on a picturesque wooden bridge to gaze through the palm trees at the azure ocean where wind surfers and jetskiers crocheted lace designs on the smooth surface. I lifted my face (liberally anointed with SPF45) to the Caribbean sun and felt the caress of the breeze on my body (gleaming with SPF30). Out by the reef, I thought I could see Dan and the boys snorkeling and a wave of pure contentment flooded through me. The drink of the day was Peach Daiquiri and I took one as I headed toward the hot tub, where I intended to spend a solitary, ecstatic hour with my reading and rum. The perfect chaise lounge beckoned, in the sun but close to the branches of a plane tree in the event my delicate skin began to burn. I started toward it when suddenly I was thrust into---
A Jurassic Park nightmare
A huge Dimetrodon leaped toward me, baring pointy vicious teeth and hissing. I screamed and backed up, wondering if he wanted my book, my drink, or my life.
"This must be your first day," came a voice from across the deck. "He can always tell."
"Excuse me?" I said.
"He's letting you know that you're in his territory. He's pretty adamant about his supremacy here at the hot tub. The others always defer to him," the man, who had apparently managed to get himself to a recliner without serious bodily harm, explained kindly. Of course he may have been there for days, unable to escape.
Others? Others? I looked around, and was horrified to see at least five other dinosaurs sunning themselves around the deck. God knows what else was hiding in the dense undergrowth surrounding the pool area. Velociraptors? Tyranosaurus Rex?
"You have to show him you're not scared of him."
"But I am scared of him," I hate to admit it but I may have whined.
"Do you want that chair or not?" the man seemed disgusted by my cowardice. "It's just an iguana."
An iguana? I thought iguanas were little, kinda like grown-up chameleons. This one was three feet long and remarkably ugly. We stared at each other. I took a step forward. It took a step forward. We stopped, black beady eye to blue beady eye, and stared some more. "He doesn't like me," I said.
"He just doesn't know you yet. Give him the cherry from your daiquiri."
"But that's my favorite part!" I protested.
He shrugged. "Well, you can go sit somewhere else."
Wait a minute. Is this iguana a paying guest? What would Rambi do? Would she back down from a three foot long iguana? No! I took another step forward, looked straight into that iguana's eyes and said, "Go ahead. Make my day."
He lashed his tail and started toward me. I screamed and frantically fished in my daiquiri for the cherry, spilling half the peachy drink down my lovely, new blue bathing suit. "Here! Here! Take it!" I cried and rolled it towards him. He snapped it up. Then he looked at me and I swear he smiled and waddled away. I raced for the lounge chair, leaped on it and chugged the pitiful dregs of my daiquiri, opening my book, and trying to regain some semblance of dignity. A moment later a scream came from the steps near the hot tub. I looked up.
"This must be your first day," I said (a trifle smugly perhaps) and smiled at the terrified woman standing immobilized under the Gorgongaze of the iguana king. "Welcome to Jurassic Park. Do you have a cherry in that drink?" |
