Oh dear!!! There are no weird reptiles or birds living in my underwear. I think this subplot is spinning out of control!!
What happened is that Jane believed the pagans were reducing the population of household pets by quite a bit. Then Michael posted and said he had lost his gerbil in San Francisco. Well, yes, that is true but not to a heathen sacrifice of any kind like Jane was intimating. I found the poor defenseless declawed sweetie pie huddled in a corner of my backyard, about to become the cat's breakfast, and felt sorry for him. There are not many places a declawed gerbil can go safely, and I do not like caged animals, so I invited him to live in my bra. Of course, it was tedious making all those tiny, tiny diapers out of single sheets of very expensive, quilted toilet paper, the kind you can't even buy at Costco, but I am an animal lover.
Now someone offered at $10,000 reward for the gerbil--must have been Michael but I don't remember. The problem is that, well, you know Michael!! I am sure that if he knew the gerbil lived between my heaving bosoms, he would think the little guy was a homosexual child molester atheist gerbil, and then he would not pay one red cent to get him back.
So I thought if you helped with the gerbil care, which is really pretty labor intensive, let me tell you, Michael would pay you the $10,000, since you are a heterosexual guy and everything, and he would know the little gerbil was straight as an arrow and he would want him back. So that would be $5,000 for each of us.
Shhhhhhhhh . . . don't tell Michael, okay, or this plan is hopeless! |
