Ok Ken I won't go there:)
But this is just for fun.
Taken from www.freerepublic.com
Enjoy:) For the Weekend.
ONE FOR THE GROPER c
home1.gte.net
March 20, 1998 Norman Liebmann
ONE FOR THE GROPER c
by Norman Liebmann
A wise man once characterized sex this way. "There is nothing you can get so far behind on that you can
get caught up on so fast." An aggravated exception to that rule is Bill Clinton. No matter how many times
he gets laid, he just can't stay laid. He seems convinced the only way he can get "the poison" out of his
system is to keep getting it into someone else. This has led to the compulsive sexual behavior that keeps
making headlines.
Bill Clinton is currently the nation's leading exponent of sexual harassment, which Anita Hill convinced us
is a kind of low energy rape. Being from Arkansas, Bill Clinton doesn't know, a real gentleman waits to be
invited. This prompted me to research the matter to see whether there are, or are not, any gentlemen in
the great state of Arkansas. There are. (three of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet.) Apparently,
when the list was being compiled, Bill Clinton failed to make the cut. Trying to endow Bubba with some
basic etiquette is like enrolling the Marquis De Sade for a course in sensitivity training. This is particularly
true in matters of intimate relations, about which, it is widely reported, when Bill Clinton is not "pigging out"
he's "pigging in."
Still, as Gigolo-in-Chief, Clinton has high-pretensions in the field of eroticism where he is considered a
connoisseur by some who heard his observation. "'92 was an excellent year for rape." So persuaded is he
to belief in his sexual adequacy, he has specified in his will a wish to have his prostate bronzed and shoved
up a display case in the Arkansas Museum of Natural Crudity. As the folks back in the boonies say, "It
ain't Mount Rushmore, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."
The Clinton legend demands acceptance as dogma Bubba's irresistibility to women. Though, how much of
a lothario can he be when it takes the entire Arkansas State Police Force to get him laid? Despite
overheated amatory claims, if you need a SWAT team to get you a "broad", you don't deserve to have
your ashes hauled. Clinton partisans insist, the cops had to be present because many of the women he "hit
on" wouldn't get into bed with him without the fuzz first "reading them their rights." Further, it's on the
record, not all the state troopers were assigned to flush out bimbos for Governor Clinton. It was the duty of
some officers to precede him and his prey to the hotel room to brush the cracker crumbs out of his bed.
All this constabulary pimping required Clinton to open a charge account with 911, which is understandable
when you consider he always perceives every urge for sex as an emergency. As governor, he didn't have
to dial 911. The state had a dirtier number set aside for him. In the event he was unable to get to a
telephone, as a back-up measure, Clinton had a smoke alarm installed in his shorts.
After Clinton occupied the White House, the Secret Service inherited the challenge of finding outlets for
his rampaging libido and protecting him from the consequences of his reckless sexual promiscuity. They
provided him with a bulletproof, full-body condom, with two holes on the sides to slip his arms through to
palpate passing airline stewardesses. Aides do not call Clinton "the Loch Ness Groper" for nothing, and
quickly adopted his expression of enthusiastic affirmation, "You said a handful!" It is not known how Bill
Clinton fills up his evenings, but many Washington hookers report it's the first time they've ever been
propositioned from a motorcade. Some of these ladies refused to get into the presidential "limo" for fear of
catching something.
Contrary to the prevailing wisdom, Clinton does not believe he is addicted to sex. Rather, he believes
himself to be a man who's having a hard time finding women who are addicted to sex. He considers no
female an ineligible candidate. Anytime Bubba sleeps in his own bed Hillary considers it "a guest-shot."
Still, Bill Clinton holds himself exculpate from his sexual adventures. Apparently, his hormones have minds
of their own, and when they beckon he is powerless to resist. When caught in flagrante delicto, he repairs
to his all-purpose exoneration "My prostate made me do it!" Having taken a plumber's plunger to the
presidential psyche, it is revealed, Clinton has been diagnosed as being driven by a compulsive need for
off-beat sexual experiences. One such spasm of kinky lust sent him on the prowl for a more compliant
partner after Hillary refused to try "making it" with him on a Stair-Master.
In explaining his high approval ratings, it is clear most of respondents polled don't know the difference
between the words "popular" and "copular." The consistency of this endorsement is governed by the same
imperative that keeps a "john" patronizing the same "hooker." Metaphorically, the public feels more
comfortable not having to drop its pants in front of a new prostitute all the time. For Clinton, dropping his
pants in front of strangers is at the core of his need, and often his frustration. In just such a situation, Paula
Jones refused to "kiss it" because of "its" physical resemblance to James Carville. In any event, no poll of
opinion will be valid until it has another vital option:
[] Yes
[] No
[] You gotta be kidding!
What is remarkable is the disparity in the approval of Clinton between men and women, which indicates a
man will fight for the honor of women who won't fight for their own. The feminists in particular are trying
to "if" their way out of finding Clinton accountable. Where's the proof? Show me the semen! For men, it's
enough to know, where there's smoke there's Clinton, and if many more harassed women come forward to
complain, it will not sound like an accusation, but more like an oratorio.
KATHLEEN WILLEY
The Kathleen Willey experience in the Oval Office reveals Bill Clinton's job interviewing technique is one
previously employed by the Hillside Strangler. In the face of Ms. Willey's allegations, Bill Clinton says,
"She looked pale and I was trying to restore the circulation in her chest." (For a moment, I thought he was
going to be stuck for a plausible answer.)
Clinton's intuitive response was to call out the White House Keystone Gestapo to find a way to tarnish the
lady's reputation. He dug out all her old letters and made them public, a flourish of gallantry you'd expect
from an extortionist. Even Sir Modred would have drawn the line at that. Because of Ms. Willey's
apparent decency and refinement, she is an unsuitable target to be designated as "trailer park trash."
Rather, the White House goon squads filtered out rumors she attends nude Tupperware parties. The worst
the letters revealed is that Ms Willey was loyal, in desperate straits, and didn't appreciate with whom she
was dealing. Rather than embarrassing her, it exposed Bubba lying down like an Arkansas razorback, and
rolling in the "hawg waller" that will be the Clinton legacy.
His account of the event was the customary 180§ that-a-way. Clinton is so devoted to the truth he can, at a
moment's notice, offer up at least a dozen versions of it. As he explained about the Paula Jones incident, "I
got confused and thought I was opening a window." (In fact, the CD "Bill Clinton Tells His Favorite Lies"
just went platinum.) Lies are the anthrax of the Clinton Administration. Like any disease, you don't have to
want it to get it. Being an Arkansas Democrat, he has a natural immunity to truth. He doesn't have access
to it and he doesn't miss it. The Environmental Protection Agency considers Little Rock an ideal site for a
truth reclamation plant.
Bill Clinton has sent out his elite panty-raid police to get the goods on the maidens he has offended,
upended, and groped. How many women have to be broken on the wheel of Clinton's lust before the
National Organization of Women gets the message?
Bill Clinton is the Prince of Gestures, and to describe them as empty is only to contribute to the
delinquency of a redundancy. Waving his mama's Bible around on his way out of church proves not that
he is a good person, but that he has calculated the odds of God smiting him with a bolt of lightning and likes
his chances. In his own now celebrated tormenting of scripture, Clinton considers monogamy the eighth
deadly sin. The real method to the Clinton madness is to keep Americans diverted with sex scandals while
he gives the nation yet another financial hernia.
MONICA LEWINSKY: (JAWS-WEST)
Monica Lewinsky has gone down in history - at least thirty seven times. After which, Clinton abandoned
his idea of a constitutional amendment to lower the age of consent and just abolish it completely. Despite
her seeming innocence, Monica's White House personnel package may tell another story, the Secret
Service having noted Ms. Lewinsky's "extraordinary mandibular tenacity" and warned the president, "This
babe is a like a gila monster. Even after you cut off the body, the head will hang on."
She did not become famous until The President of the United States accidentally tripped over her tongue,
breaking the bone and everything. To make up for it, he gave her a copy of Leaves of Grass in a plain
brown wrapper and a semen-stained dress. She brought him a pepperoni pizza larded with testosterone.
It's hard to get too weepy with sympathy over this girl who grew up in a neighborhood where any
five-year-old without an American Express card is considered underprivileged. By age nine Monica had a
black belt in shopping; at age fourteen she was known in Beverly Hills by the sobriquet "Conan the
Consumer. She prowled Rodeo Drive (the Champs lys‚es of "Shlock") getting Gucci'd and breaking in
her Heidi Fleiss designer knee pads, and all the other frippery and trumpery the Spago crowd requires for
self-endorsement.
Monica Lewinsky's attorney is all over the lot saying what a wonderful young lady she is. When the only
person in town who thinks you are wonderful is your lawyer, you're in deep shit. Thanks to advocate
Ginsburg's support, the public's perception of Monica Lewinsky has changed from a na‹ve young thing who
made a mistake, to the Whore of Babylon's naughty kid sister (the one the family won't talk about.) The
only thing that can be worse than having Ginsburg for your lawyer is having him for your doctor, though his
incompetence may overlap fortuitously enough to enable Monica to enter a plea of lockjaw.
Though lasting two terms, the Clinton Administration will seem like a ten-minute time-span between
puberty to depravity. Bubba's lechery, lies and vicious attacks on women are alarming, less because of
what he did (abetted by a cowardly Congress and a sniveling compliant media) more because it indicates
that of which he is capable. With Nixon there was a cancer on the Presidency. With Clinton there is a
cancer in the Presidency. It may be, as some have suggested, investigating this White House is too much
for Kenneth Starr. This is a job for the Orkin Man.
***
THIS JUST IN: Opposition to Bill Clinton has just passed heart disease as a cause of death in America. |
