"The ignorance of companies and the government in dealing with this problem (especially in their lawyers giving clearance to all the contracts on every desk in our organization now) has gone on so long, that it will even be impossible for us to fix all the code. In light of this, Zitel and Matridigm are pleased to announce a merger of the two companies and a revolutionary new line of products.
We are changing direction, and we are certain this is the future. Ladies and gentlemen -- first there was Zitel. Then there was Matridigm. Now, may I present to you, "SecondChance, Inc." Our world-renown programming team, lead by 1 million patent-holder, Mr. Chiang ("happy 105th Franklin! how's that new HP calculator doing?"), has just put the finishing touches on our break-through new products, "SecondChance1950", "SecondChance1960", "SecondChance1970", and "SecondChance1980".
These products will allow your company or government agency two unique opportunities. First, when you run one of these software packages on every computer in your building, they will automatically convert both the exterior and the interior of your office into that era of time -- 1950, 1960, 1970, or 1980. Note that this all takes place transparently without any manual programmer intervention at all! You alone decide how much extra time you need to correct and plan for the year 2000. If you need 50 years, then purchase our "SecondChance 1950".
One wonderful benefit of these products is that they allow you and your personnel to go back in time to relive those magical moments from your favorite time period. If you miss Elvis, like we all do, then the "SecondChance1950" or the "SecondChance1960" may be the choice for you. Was Disco music your thing? Then get the "SecondChance1980" software package. ("I hear you could really burn up a dance floor, Franklin, when you were 89.")
Also, you should have no problem deciding on which package is best for your company. If you have multiple locations, poll your employees, and let them decide which package they want. All of our products are compatible, so you can keep your employees happy. This will result in less loss of work because of disgruntled employees. Later this year, we are even working on a new "SecondChance" pharmaceutical that will allow each "individual" employee to pick their own time period to exist in while solving your Y2K problem. I, Jack King, have personally been testing this product extensively for the past 2 years and can say that it works just great. ("uh, wop bop a doo wop, a wop bam boom. tuiti fruiti. oh rooti!") Ahem. As I was saying -- employee satisfaction is our number one goal.
Another side benefit of our products is reduced stress and tension. No more deadline headaches. Relax and take your time. The rest of the world can collapse around you, but you will be safe and secure in your own "SecondChance" building. ("We've got a reeeeelly big Shew!")
All products are guaranteed, of course. Simply return them in the year 2000 for a complete refund if not satisfied. That gives you a minimum of 20 years with the "SecondChance1980" module and a maximum of 50 years with the "SecondChance1950" module to decide if a particular product is right for you.
Order today, and for the first 100 customers, "SecondChance, Inc." will throw in, absolutely free, a brand-new, 100% polyester leisure suit from our exclusive "Kingwear" collection.
ps the above is for entertainment only. any resemblance to the truth is strictly coincidental |
