SEXI, a company exciting and new, buy some shares, we plan to screw you. The Sleaze Boat, soon will be making another run, the Sleaze Boat, promises contracts for everyone. Set a course for disaster, your mind on a $20 stock. And SEXI, life's sweetest reward. But the Sleaze Boat, happened to take quite a harsh detour, The Sleaze Boat, made some people rich and other poor!!!
Welcome aboard the Sleaze Boat. I'm your captain, Merrill Stubing. I hope you enjoyed your flight into Coral Gables. Your pilot Captain Nutcracker, and co-pilot Ballbuster assure me that they had plenty to show you as they hovered far above the earth, looking down at the SEXI situation. It is my duty as Captain of the Ship to show you events from ground level, where we're able to see some of the smaller events, as well as some of the cockroaches. So make yourself comfortable, and Isaac will whip up some margaritas and we shall set sail. But you should know that upon leaving Coral Gables we shall never return. No, our destination is along the East Coast, Virginia to be specific. One way trip. Goodbye forever, Coral Gables.
Captain Stubing appreciates free and open chatter, but realizes that some individuals tend to talk too much, and never really say anything (at least anything of value). I often run into this problem with first mate Gopher.
From what I understand from Ballbuster, SEXI currently is a wounded soldier. The SEC is on it's tail. Isaac, better make me a double.
Ever since we had to pick up Mr. Rourke, Tattoo and the others on Fantasy Island, my ship has had problems with cockroaches on board. I've never quite been able to rid myself of them, but I have recently found the problem exacerbated. Julie has even threatened to quit. Don't think I don't notice you young men checking her out. Yes, Julie is a timeless beauty. But keep your hands off her. I may be old and balding with little white clumps of hair around my ears, but Captain Stubing still gets the chicks if you know what I mean.
Anyway, if you'll allow me, I will tell you the story of the cockroaches. As with any Aaron Spelling drama, consider this information suspect (i.e. purely conjecture on somebody's part). But here goes. Some time ago, a company by the name of ICMX Federal Systems decided to put itself up for sale. A company with neat technology, the principals never could seem to get it off the ground. There was buyer interest however. Several individuals bid on the company. There were two men, one named Huttoe, the other named Stoppleman, both wanted it and bid on the company. Another man, named Kraft, worked as an intermediary between Huttoe and ICMX, and eventually Mr. Huttoe landed his prize. It would seem to appear that Mr. Stoppleman took his defeat hard. Almost as hard as Doc took his third divorce. But then an interesting thing happened. Mr. Kraft made his way to a company called Meyerson. It just so happened that Mr. Stoppleman provided legal services for the same company. A chummy relationship between all parties seemed to develop. Soon overeager brokers from this Meyerson company began courting investors, proclaiming that this company was going to hit it big. In the meantime, Mr. Huttoe rewarded his friends handsomely. Many shares went to Mr. Kraft. Even Mr. Kraft's wife, Lulu, was given shares for creating the SEXI promotional video. It is reported that Mr. Kraft may have netted between $6-10 million from selling SEXI. A handshake deal between Mr. Huttoe and Mr. Meyerson was made to eventually do a secondary offering. Of course Mr. Stoppleman would handle the legal side of the deal, and even providing an accounting firm to do the audit. Needless to say, all parties involved at the brokerage firm stood to make a lot of money from this deal. Now, Captain Stubing thinks that Christmas should only come once a year, but it appears Mr. Huttoe was a generous man. He enlisted the help of a Marie Igneri, from Manhattan. He paid her handsomely for her contacts with Central and South American hospitals. Now, Captain Stubing is well traveled along that region (I've stopped in many a port in those areas) and have never heard of even a rumor dealing with these "connections". So a little digging turns up some dirt. One of our passengers, Barbi Benton, first brought it to my attention. You see, Marie Igneri also has a dirty little secret. Her boyfriend just happened to be the head trader at_____________ (Captain Stubing will let you fill in the blank, but will say you're a moron if you can't figure it out). Meanwhile, Mr. Huttoe made a mistake that he would come to regret. He covered up these transactions. And why not? They were not in the best interest of Captain Stubing's passengers.
As often happens in the cockroach world, there eventually was a falling out. Threats were made, and in walked the infamous Fiero Brothers. Unregistered shares at the brokerage firm were sold, and a general mess ensued. Now some of my passengers cannot even get access to their shares. Captain Stubing truly hopes the SEC will look at this despicable practice, but doesn't think anything will happen for reasons listed further down.
This brings us to the present. On October 7th the Securities and Exchange Commission halted the stock. An investigation insued, and Mr. Huttoe appears to be going down. Poor Mr. Kraft appears to be in trouble also. Julie feels terrible for Lulu. Talk around Coral Gables is that the SEXI Board of Directors (all 2 of them) will have their shares rescinded. Mr. Walther is working diligently to rescind as many shares as possible. Captain Stubing is going to send Mr. Walther tickets for a free cruise if he is successful in protecting his shareholders. In addition, it appears that LazerTek will not become part of the company after all. A newsletter is also going to get theirs. Isaac had a subscription with them and has turned all relevant information into the SEC, including some of their illegal trading practices. But Captain Stubing does see one alarming error by the SEC. Apparently Mr. Meyerson and Mr. Stoppleman are being excluded from this investigation. Given some of the shady activities these two have engaged in, this hardly seems rational. But where there's one cockroach there is usually more. It appears that Mr. Stoppleman has numerous SEC ties, and you can bet Mr. Meyerson does as well. That's right, they push the buttons, and they are untouchable. Once again, our government in action. They ALWAYS take care of their own, even at the expense of those they are supposed to protect. Captain Stubing thinks this is hardly fair, and can assure you that no favoritism takes place on his ship. I do have my doubts about Gopher, who seems to have political aspirations.
Given all this thievary, Captain Stubing must assure you he is an agile captain. While there are numerous tropical disturbances currently in the Caribbean and South American waters, I am confident I shall bring you through these troubled waters safely. Just as in the movies, the sheriff with get the bad guy (letting other go free), declare victory and leave the injured to heal their wounds. But wounds do heal, especially when you're on the Princess. My staff is here to cater to you, and I invite you to soak up the sunshine.
I shall meet you on the Prominade Deck tomorrow to further elaborate. |
