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Pastimes : Jokes

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To: Jody Ritchie who wrote (158)	4/9/1998 2:46:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Read Replies (1) of 2733

>1. Why does a man have a clear conscience? >Because it's never used. > >2. Why are men so happy? >Because ignorance is bliss. > >4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, >who would reach the ground first? >The woman - the man would get lost. > >5. How are men like commercials? >You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both >last about 60 seconds. > >6. How do men exercise at the beach? >By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini. > >9. What did God say after creating man? >>> I can do better. > >12. If men got pregnant Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers >would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows. > >13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? >>> He had it bronzed. > >16. How do men sort their laundry? >>> "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable." > >17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4,000 stereo in it. > >19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 >think of? >>> Dating children. > >20. What should you give a man who has everything? >>> A woman to show him how to work it. > >21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? >>> To stop the snoring before it starts. > >22. Why don't men have mid-life crises? >>> They stay stuck in adolescence. > >23. How does a man show he's planning for the future? >He buys two cases of beer instead of one. (actually because I ask him to) > >24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? >>> At the circus the clowns don't talk. > >25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? >The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. > >26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? >>> Exchange him. > >27. Why do bachelors like smart women? >>> Because opposites attract. > >28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? >They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time. > >29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? >After a year, the dog is still excited to see you > >30. What is the thinnest book in the world? >What Men Know About Women > >31. How do you get a man to exercise? >Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces. > >33. Why are dumb blonde jokes one-liners? >So men can understand them. > >35. What's a man's idea of foreplay? >>> A half hour of begging. > >36. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? >>> We don't know. It's never happened. > >38. What is the difference between a man and a catfish? >>>One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. > >39. Why do jocks play on artificial turf? >>> To keep them from grazing. > >40. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? >>> Because, even back then men wouldn't stop to ask for directions. >

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