Three Subdivisions of Silicon Investor Valley Leveled by Silent Explosion
~Residents of Silicon Investor Valley were apparently undisturbed late Friday night by a blast that destroyed three entire threads. Nothing remains in the small subdivision but a large crater and a few small pieces of plastic. The threads were for a bulletin board stock known as United Shields, (OTC BB: UNSC)
"I think it was around 9 p.m. Kansas time," quipped one local resident, "when all of a sudden, the two big ones was just...gone! Like they had of never existed. I've never done seen anything like it. I was looking at it, and I blinked my eyes, and poof...nothing there. I seen the third thread over there, that little one, but the two big ones was gone. It was a lot like the time my Aunt Jeannette came over with the batteries, the ashtray, and the C4. I'll never forget it, you'll like this.and so on."
Regular readers of this column will recall that only yesterday, one of the UNSC threads had been the subject of some controversy, when a giant chicken known as Tastes Like Chicken, and a mysterious person known only as "Dave Mammal" had apparently gotten into a violent fight on the corner. The Webmistress escorted the chicken to the Silicon Graybar Hotel, and some few hours later, the mammal got the same treatment. It is unclear as to the extent of any injuries to the chicken or the mammal, but the residents this reporter spoke with were unanimous in their praise for the chicken.
"The mammal picked the fight," said the Thing, "and we were all behind the chicken. The Daaahling, The Gray One, The Tedster, Mister B., the Lockmeister...it was a righteous battle. Most of us thought the chicken would win easily. The mammal started it by calling out the chicken. It was pretty funny, the mammal didn't realize how big the chicken was. The mammal tried to bluff his way out, but the chicken was way too smart. The chicken had backed the mammal into a corner and was getting ready to pound him into a veal cutlet, but the cops grabbed the Chickosaurus and that was the end of it. "
"Really annoying," said the Count, "I was minding my own business and they tried to get me involved in it, but the chicken was really making noise, then the mammal started screaming, and I decided to stand aside. I've seen this before, and I don't like it one little bit. I'm just here for the chips and dip."
Interestingly, the Dave Mammal started three threads for the same stock. Two were obliterated in the original blast, but the third, in the Coffee Shop, remained unaffected until a second smaller explosion about two hours later took out that thread as well.
"What blast?" questioned another local, "What thread? I don't see anything. What are you talking about? I see a nice, clean, tile floor. What are you, some kind of a freak?"
The obvious question arises: If the chicken and the mammal were booted out of town for infractions and if the evidence against them has been erased by the Judge, why are they still in the Graybar Hotel? |
