You think those Elements were bad, check out this new Element..
New Element Discovered At UofL President's Office
The heaviest element know to science was recently discovered by
consultants to the Undergraduate Division of the School of Business
Administration, in the Office of the President, UofL. The element,
tentatively named ADMINISTRATIUM, has no protons or electrons and thus
has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125
assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons.
This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, ADMINISTRATIUM is totally inert.
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it
comes in contact with. According to the consultants/discoverers, a
minute amount of ADMINISTRATIUM caused one reaction to take over four
days to complete, when it would normally occur in less than one sec-
ond.
ADMINISTRATIUM has a normal half life of approximately 3 years,
at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assist-
ant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the
atomic weight actually increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that ADMINISTRATIUM
occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at cer-
tain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and with
extreme concentrations at universities, and also can actually be found
in the newest best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that ADMINISTRATIUM is known to be toxic at
any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive
reactions where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made
to determine how ADMINISTRATIUM can be controlled to prevent irrevers-
ible damage but results to date are not promising. |
