Gregory;
I must thank you for such a well thought out post. You seem to be honestly seeking and I feel the Lord will reward you for that.
Your idea about humility is interesting, and I will give it some thought. My first impression is that there is a big difference between the two. A person can know a lot about a subject, and still be quite humble. The confidence in a subject could actually make it easier to be humble, while an unsure sort may resort to a more vigorous defense.
I cannot say I am a man of great faith. I have very small faith in a very great G-d. A mustard seed's worth could well be all we can hope for. While I admit to periods of unbelief, I am at the same time confident in my knowledge that Jesus is the Mesiah, and that knowledge is based on evidence that I can no longer refute. I must admit that my disbelief is more based in convenience because of some command of the Lord I do not want to obey. This is why the Apostle Paul asked G-d to help him with his unbelief, because sin was constantly at war within him. Whenever I sin it is because of my unbelief, even though in my inner man I know beyond any doubt that there is a G-d, and he is the G-d of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob.
I will stop rambling now, but promise to continue this discussion if you remain willing. I must agree with Jane, that the only real mental thing one need do is to decide to call on the Lord, because he is very near all of us. As a perfect humble gentleman, he will not speak unless spoken to. I encourage you to try by asking him to show himself, not a sign, but an introduction. He is able to do this in a way that will leave you with little doubt it was him. Ask not to be deceived, just ask, and he will be there.
Love and encouragement in Yeshua who will never disappoint you - DLL
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