God seeks worship in Spirit and Truth and not in external forms and memorized phrases. I personally found no offense in your prayer. Only God knows your heart as you pray. Sometimes our prayers are misdirected because of ignornance or false teachings, but still I believe God listens to the intent of the heart.
Jesus has given us an eternal precept and model for guiding our prayers.
John 4
20: Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.
21: Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father.
22: Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.(Jesus took his flesh from the Jews)
23: But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.
24: God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.
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