Three Jewish guys from NYC are in a bar discussing old friends. Goldberg says that he must know at least a million people in his lifetime. Bernstein, being somewhat older, tops Goldberg by claiming to know at least two million people in his lifetime. Schwartz, a youngster by comparison, claims to know everybody in the world on a first name basis.
Goldberg: "Prove it!"
Bernstein: "Oy, prove it!"
Schwartz: "Well, I know you two guys, and I've met everyone you've met, so if you're telling the truth that's at least 3 million people there, without even counting the people I know that you don't."
Goldberg: "Not good enough. Do you know that guy on the television set?"
They look over to the TV and see President Clinton on the news.
Schwartz: "Sure. Bill and me go way back. You don't think I know him? Watch this."
Schwartz goes to the telephone, dials a number and a voice answers. Goldberg grabs the receiver out of Schwartz's hand and asks to speak to the President. "Who is calling?" the voice asks. Goldberg says he's Schwartz, and the voice replies "It doesn't sound like you Schwartz, but hold on, I'll get the President." And Schwartz and Bill Clinton carry on a long conversation while his friends listen in.
Bernstein: "Well, you may know Clinton, but you don't know the guy on the TV now."
They look at the TV set and see Michael Jordan in a nailbiter basketball game. Schwartz goes back to the telephone, and dials again. Bernstein and Goldberg are amazed to watch Jordan leave the game and pick up the telephone. Schwartz is conversing with Michael during the Bulls game as his friends listen in. Schwartz hangs up and Michael returns to the game.
Goldberg: "Well, you may know Clinton and you may know Jordan, but you've never known the guy on TV now."
They look at the TV set and see the Pope. Schwartz dials the phone and calls the Vatican, but the Pope is busy and can't talk to him.
Bernstein: "Oy, we caught you lying this time."
Schwartz protests, and suggests that the three of them fly to Europe and see the Pope in the Vatican City. So they hop a plane, get off in Italy and drive over to the Vatican. As luck would have it, it's now Sunday morning and the Pope is getting ready to address the millions of people gathered in the square. Schwartz disappears into the crowd, leaving Bernstein and Goldberg by themselves. The crowd starts to cheer wildly and they look up to the podium and see Schwartz and the Pope standing together as the Pope begins to address the crowd. A nearby Italian citizen grabs Goldberg by the arm and asks "Who is that up there on the podium?"
Goldberg: "That's my friend from NYC."
Italian: "No, not Schwartz. Who's the other guy?"
KJC |
