> We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
> everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
> riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
> blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
> grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
> common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden,
> delusional liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.
>
> We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
> confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill
> of No Rights.
>
> BILL OF NO RIGHTS
>
> ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any
> other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire
> them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
>
> ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This
> country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not
> just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different
> opinion, etc., but the World is full of idiots and silencing them won't
> make them go away.
>
> ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you
> stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect
> the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently
> wealthy.
>
> ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing.
> Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly
> help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing
> generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve
> nothing more than the creation of another generation of
> professional couch potatoes.
>
> ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would
> be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested
> in health care.
>
> ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people.
> If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be
> surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
>
> ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
> you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,
> don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
> place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
> life of leisure.
>
> ARTICLE VII: You don't have the right to demand that our children risk
> their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate
> oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to
> fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire
> world and do not want to spend a lot of our time battling each
> and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
>
> ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want
> all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times;
> but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education
> and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
>
> ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
> means that you have the right to pursue happiness. Whether you find it
> or not is up to you, but the search will certainly be a lot easier if
> you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by
> those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
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