Hey, Tom,
Well, yes, I was pretty sure you didn't really say anything like that to your eight year olds! At eight, my sons were grossed out at the idea of kissing girls as well as guys. The whole idea of sex- period- was just disgusting. (They seem to have recovered from these earlier perceptions.) We always answered questions honestly, but fairly minimally, following their lead as to the depth of comprehension and how much they were ready or really wanted to hear. As they've grown older (teen years), their father has taken over most of the duties in this area. We believe this is more appropriate.
I understand what motivates things like Gay Pride and Black History month. I personally am not in favor of them as I see them as segregating; I think it's unfortunate that there's a perceived need for them. But as long as there are people spreading hate and intolerance on the one side, we will have these opposite reactions.
Sexual identity is a HUGE deal in high school. Much bigger in an adolescent's mind than a World War. Kids are frighteningly cruel--(is this inherent or have they learned it at home?) THey are terrified of being "different". To suspect you are "not normal" in the sexual area is a terrible thing. Certainly the boy who committed suicide had severe problems, but don't you think that the cruelty he encountered at school ---and often schools are not at ALL helpful with this, particularly in the sports areas--played a part in his being, as you say, F***ed up?
I don't know the story behind the mother's suit against the school-my heart breaks for her, though.
I would never presume to know whether your answers are good or not! I barely struggle through with my own. Complicated issues are difficult to explain without expressing your own feelings and biases. We try to cover other views objectively and then discuss why we feel certain ones are correct for us. I'm not sure that specific answers are what's important as much as teaching them that we're ALL "God's chillun" (not meant to be a religious phrase--change God to Earth, Nature, the Goddess, whatever you like) If my children can look with compassion rather than pity on those less fortunate, can assist without being enablers, judge actions and people on something deeper than whether they're "different", I'll think we've made a good start. |
