********WAY OFF TOPIC!***********
I have been able to obtain this intercepted letter and am sharing it with
you:
Dear Mom and Dad:
It has been four months since I left for college. I have been remiss in
writing and am very sorry for my thoughtlessness. I will bring you up to
date now, but before you read on, please sit down. Don't read any further
unless you are sitting down ... OK?
Good. I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my dormitory when it
caught fire, shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. I only
spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only
get three headaches a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an
attendant at a nearby gas station, and he was able to call the Fire
Department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since
I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to
invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but
it is kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love
and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm
sure it will be before I start to show.
Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to
being grandparents, and I know you will give the baby the same love and
devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.
The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor
infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood tests, and I
carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up, thanks to my daily
penicillin injections.
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind, and
although not well educated, he is ambitious. Also, he is of a different race
and religion than ours, but I know, after all your years of teaching me
tolerance, that you won't mind the fact that he is somewhat darker than we
are. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good,
too; I am told that his father is an important gunbearer in his native
African village.
I guess that's it. Now that I have brought you up to date, I want you to
know ... There was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or skull
fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I
do not have syphilis and there is no man of another race in my life.
However, I am getting a "D" in History and an "F" in Science, and I wanted
you to see these marks in their proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
Chelsea
P.S. Stanford is great...I love it, though I miss you both terribly...and
Socks, too!
P.P.S Dad, please give my best to Monica & the others.
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