Some more ammunition.-g-
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Wrong! Rear Echelon Revelations: Cramer Confronts His Critics
By James J. Cramer
(This piece is written from the perspective of my critics. It is meant to probe the minds of most of the media and many of the intellectuals I have to battle with every day to make a dime. I know them well enough that I can put words in their mouths. Hope you enjoy.)
Darn dip buyers. They did it again. Can't believe how lucky they were.
No way you could have predicted that Rubin thing. Japan's going to hell in a hand basket. Why bother? It's a big joke and the bulls fell for it.
Just you wait, one day they'll get slaughtered. One day they'll buy that dip and get their heads decapitated, just like Jayne Mansfield. Hah, won't that be a sight. And I'll be there because it's going to happen real soon.
How soon? Maybe as early as this weekend, when we will discover that the "deal" that drove the yen up and the dollar down is just a paper tiger. Another charade to get the shorts. Sure it's true that Rubin got the shorts when the dollar was on the receiving end, but that was massive, massive luck. In fact, if you stayed short the dollar you could have had a nifty, jim-dandy buying opportunity today and not been the worse for it. A godsend.
Maybe it could unravel as early as Friday. Heck, you never know about those darned triple-witches. Lord knows, they've kept me out of the market and on the sidelines since '84, which was pretty gosh darn lucky because I missed the crash of '87. Some folks never recovered from that clocking. Could have been me, if I had been in.
Or maybe the day of reckoning will be today. I mean, didn't tech just act plain awful -- and the market can't go up without tech. That's what I heard a ton of the talking heads say on TV and they're never wrong.
How can you have a real rally without the semiconductors. Makes me want to go out and short some Merck (NYSE:MRK - news) . I mean, if the SOX index is down this rally must be a joke. Sure enough, didn't Jabil (NYSE:JBL - news) preannounce? Wow, Jabil, now it does just about everything tech, so where is the hope in tech if Jabil is blowing up?
Can Cisco (Nasdaq:CSCO - news) be far behind? Can you believe all those longs whistling past the graveyard? Like that perma-bull Cramer. Oh yeah, he calls himself an opportunist, but that's a sack of &$*$. He's just a bull through and through, and one day the matador's gonna give him the shiv right where it hurts, that stupid dip buyer. He's gonna be wrong so big his hedge fund's gonna look like ground zero in those Indian nuke tests. On a good day!!! Can't wait to not have to pay to see his laughing mug on that Street thing.
Hoo-hah, how about those joke Internet stocks I am short -- now talk about a pile of horse manure. Seven hundred and eighty-two times earnings -- nah, heck no, not earnings, but sales and the market is buying them, the fools. So AT&T (NYSE:T - news) wants in. Sold to you AT&T for $150 a share. I hope you buy me out so I can tender my short to you. Yeah, that would be fitting. Just like NCR (NYSE:NCR - news) . I was short that one, too. So what if it cost me a fortune. I was right anyway. Right in the end. As I will be right on Infoseek (Nasdaq:SEEK - news) , etc., because, I mean, give me a break, how can Yahoo (Nasdaq:YHOO - news) really be worth more than Knight-Ridder (NYSE:KRI - news) , which owns everything from the Detroit Free Press to the Tallahassee Democrat?
Glory be. There's the phone. Must be about how the Japanese rescue plan just collapsed. Like Summers could do anything. Just you wait until you see who craters tomorrow. Won't be long now. I'll be right soon enough. Just been a little early, but better to be right in the end, even if some money has been made on the long side ...
Blah, blah blah.
James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-chairman of TheStreet.com. At the time of publication his fund has long position in AOL, Yahoo and Cisco, although positions can change at any time. Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Cramer's writings provide insights into the dynamics of money management and are not a solicitation for transactions. While he cannot provide investment advice or recommendations, he invites you to comment on his column by sending a letter to TheStreet.com at letters@thestreet.com. |
