DADDY,
Since we may be closing the bar, I thought it important to clear up at least one of life's great mysteries for the record. Noted psychiatrist and bartender par excellence, Dr. BIGS had exercised all of his talents, theories and skills, save one, as to why Angel and Al could not remain the happy couple they once where. Soooooooo, the undaunted Dr. BIGS puts his final theory to the test and asked each of them individually to describe what they think would be their perfect day. The results are very telling and mind you, I was only there to document this scientific experiment for the record. Ok, here goes:
Angel's perfect day:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 5 lb's lighter than the previous day
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil
10:00 Light workout at the club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends, Ellen and Cavewomen, unlimited credit.
3:00 Nappy
4:00 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle message
5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:30 Make love
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and Alster cuddling
11:45 Fall asleep in his big stong arms
Now for Al's perfect day:
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blowjob
6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today
7:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary en route to airport
8:15 Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (coffee, Sports Illustrated, and Wall Street Journal)
9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
9:45 Front nine at Augusta (4 under)
11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half, 3 Heinekens
12:15 Blowjob
12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)
2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)
2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)
3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female topless crew
4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lb's)
5:00 G4 back to Lauderdale, message & hand job en route by naked Kathy Ireland. (damn, you have an imagination Alster) HA HA!
6:45 Sh*t, shower and shave
7:00 Watch CNN news flash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated <GGGGG>
7:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20oz. New York Strip
9:00 Remy Martin and a Cuban Partagas cigar
9:30 Sex with three women
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
11:45 Bed (alone)
11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, Rover leaves the room <gggg>
11:55 Sleep
I just wanted all of you to know that Dr. BIGS did everything to save what we all thought was a marriage made in heaven but the record speaks for itself. BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! |
