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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective)

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To: Ga Bard who wrote (481)	7/12/1998 11:28:00 PM
From: Debra&Jeff	Read Replies (1) of 733

QUICK JOKES Short one line groaners. Did you hear about the bandit that held up a Chinese restaurant? Half an hour later he was broke. Did you hear about the butcher who accidentally backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work. Did you hear about the dentist who married a manicurist? They fight tooth and nail! Did you hear about the new restaurant that opened in India? It's a New Delhicatessen. Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? She had her baby in the spring. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? The survivors were marooned. Did you hear about the two men who walked into a bar? The third one ducked. How can you recognize a burned-out hippie? He used to take acid, now he takes antacid. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb? She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment." What city has the largest rodent population? Hamsterdam. What day does a fish hate? Fry day. What did one cloned sheep say to the other? "I am ewe." What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. What did one rabbit say to the other rabbit? Nothing. Rabbits can't talk. What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat restaurant?" He had two waiters and a busboy. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam". What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack and I'll plaster you! What did one wall say to the other wall? "Meet you at the corner." What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do fish play on the piano? Scales. What do Mack the Knife, Attila the Hun and Jabba the Hut have in common? The same middle name. What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come. What do you call a drunk who works in an upholstery shop? A recovering alcoholic. What do you call a frightened scuba diver? Chicken of the sea. What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? A roaming Catholic. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny. What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis? A hoarse doctor. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko. What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously? A receding hareline. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

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