Unbeknownst to most Jane had been seen with Mr. Rutherford. Is Lumpy (a.k.a. the morass of the western world) the illegitimate child of Jane and Mr. Rutherford? And was Hugh Beaumont squashing rumors during the pregnancy or was he just playing racketball? Are the "outstanding" shares better than the regular shares or are they just wannabees? The share I bought were just normal looking, pathetic.
Jane has kept all of this quiet and Hugh is forever in the dark. The alliances that Mr. Rutherford made have turned out to be nothing more than just old world shenanigannery (is there such a word?). They had been unreliable at best and dirty down dealers at worst. But Jane stays and Hugh is none the wiser. After so much time one would think that Hugh had discovered the duplicity, the high heels hidden behind the toilet tank for instance should have arisen suspicion. But Hugh, good Hugh, would keep himself sated with thoughts of Pure Jane. A Jane that no man could have experienced but him, so he thought and so would Jane want him to think. A Jane that could and should give him .1085 return.
Let Mr. Rutherford enjoy the limelight. Let him spawn a tale. One that enchants our Jane and keeps Hugh at bay. Our Jane, with the cultured pearls, had no intent to keep such an arrangement but the words and promises that came from Mr. Rutherford were too much and too frequent (Remember, dear reader, he lived next door). She couldn't help herself from the enchantment that spewed forth from his sweet lips (the glasses and dome chrome were no deterrent). She was there and Hugh was gone doing god knows what.
Mr. Rutherford, wily Mr. Rutherford, always found a way to be home when the boys were in school or at boy scout meeting. The boys called themselves 'the old crow brigade' (cute boys), after the whiskey but officially they were known as Troop 9. Those smart little devils, being young and ignorant, didn't know that Mr. Rutherford was on to them and that anything they might do, in case they thought of retaliation, would be nothing more than an engorged tick lodged in the ear of Roseanne Barr (a.ka. Arnold a.k.a. who the hell cares), an annoyance but no serious threat.
Instead the boys decided, after therapy, that they would gather and gather some more and "Darn that Mr. Rutherford" Whitey said. In those brief words all was said and nothing more could be done. They had agreed to agree and agreed that Larry Mandalo was fat, that Whitey had white hair and that Eddie Haskell would probably end up being a meter maid. |
