Okay, Maurice, part three!!
For some people with seriously different needs regarding sleeping times, noise levels, and clutter, I think actually living separately and coming together to share part of their lives may be a reasonable compromise. When does the idea of holding a marriage together by making accommodations to the things that are different become absurd? The only rules for exploring these new paths should be that there is benefit for all concerned, and that everything is open and consensual, and brings happiness, not more pain. How long should you try to fix a marriage?? How much energy should be expended? Only the partners in the marriage can determine how much tolerance for pain, frustration, and possible evenutal failure anyway that they can bear.
When I was young I noticed, like everyone else does I think, the older couples in restaurants who had nothing left to talk about, eating silently, looking off in different directions. I never want to be like that!! I want to have enough people in my life to stimulate my interest in all sorts of different areas, not grow old glued to someone I am legally bound to but do not love, or love but get no thrill from touching anymore. I wonder if on their deathbeds, some of these people aren't thinking, oh no, it's all over now and I totally missed the boat!! No more chances for the sexual pleasure which for some us is really necessary to keep life rich.
Since so many marriages end in divorce, and a significant number of continuing marriages are like these rote ones--really the result of convention, habit and religious beliefs--I believe there is actually a blissful state in about 10% of marriages. Why do we persist so stubbornly in supporting a model that does not often work?? Is this not an area of our lives where openmindedness and the courage to go outside the conventions of society really open the doors to happiness and passion for some of us?
All questions and no answers . . . but searching!!
And actually finished, also. Sorry this was so long--I guess I got carried away!!
Christine
P.S. For those of you who are intrigued by the notion of polyamory, or the concept of open marriages conducted in an ethical way so that love is enriched and expanded instead of stifled and lost, there is a web page at lovemore.com which offers some articles on the subject,and where you can purchase magazines and books as well.
This is a very controversial topic, I realize, and I hope anyone who might be interested can approach it with an open mind. It seems interesting, but how does it work in reality? I have no idea. I'm just exploring this intellectually, not advocating its practice, so no racy emails to me please!! I have enough problems already!! |
