My cuz just sent me some jokes. Thought I'd share them with you. God knows we could all use a little humor today.
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A horse and a chicken were out playing in a muddy field when all of
> the
> sudden the horse got stuck. The horse yelled, "Help! Help! Go get the
> farmer's Mercedes and pull me out!" The chick ran up to the barn, got the
> BMW and returned to pull the horse out of the mud. After the chick
> pulled the horse out of the mud with the car, they started wrestling
> in
> the muddy field again. This time the chick got stuck in the mud. The
> chick yelled, "Help! Help! Go get the farmer's Mercedes and pull me out!"
> The horse said he didn't need the car to pull the chick out of the
> mud.
> The horse straddled the mud puddle and instructed the chick to hang on
> to his "manhood". The chick did as instructed and the horse pulled
> the
> chick out of the mud.
> The moral of this story:
> If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up a chick.
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I> >A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car
> when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens
> to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door.
> When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car
> broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow
> when I can get some help?
> >
> >"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin'
> with my sons Jed and Luke." She looks through the screen door and sees two
> young men standing behind the farmer.
> She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay," she says.
> After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about
> the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and
> says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
> They say, "Huh?" She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so
> you have
> to wear these condoms." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at
> it all night long.
> >
> >Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back
> and forth.
> >
> >Jed says, "Luke?"
> Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
> Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty
> years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
> >
> >"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
> "Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
> "Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
> >
> >"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."
>
________________________________________________
> >> This is a letter from an Alabama mother to her son:
> >> Dear Bubba:
> >>
> >> I am writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We
> >> don't live where we did when you left. You read in the paper that most
> >> accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. I won't be
> >> able to send you the address because we don't have one. The last family
> >> that lived here took the numbers off the house with them for their next
> >> house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
> >> This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in,
> >> pulled the chain and I ain't seen' em since. It only rained here twice
> >> this week.
> >> Three days the first time and four days the second time.
> >> You know the coat you wanted me to send to you? Well, Aunt Sue said it
> >> would be too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons on it, so
> >> we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
> >> We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the
> >> last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes.
> >> Your sister had a baby this morning, I ain't heard whether it's a boy or
> >> a girl, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle yet!
> >> Your Uncle John fell in a whiskey vat, some men tried to pull him out, but
> >> he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
> >> three days.
> >> Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving,
> >> the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled the window
> >> down and swam to safety. The other two drowned. They couldn't get the
> >> tailgate down.
> >> There's not much news this time, nothing much has happened.
> >> Love,
> >>
> >> Mama
> >>
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