Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their
right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly,
points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other hooks his thumb behind him says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back.
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A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the
hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous
twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle
tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one
way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.
That was the good news.
The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and
he couldn't move. "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for
skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and
grant me just one wish . . . please make a Christian out of that bear that's
coming at me. Please, Lord!"
That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped
its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet.
"Oh, thank God", he thought, but just about then the bear spoke,
"Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive . . ."
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Ted Kenndy was making a speech whilst under the influence of
alcohol. During the speech a woman interrupted and said "your drunk!".
Kenndy retorted "yes madam, you are ugly but I will be sober in the
morning"
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New Clinton Jokes -
As Air Force One prepares to land, the captain makes his customary
request over the loudspeaker: "Mr. President, would you please return
the stewardess to the upright position and prepare to land?"
Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird?
-the spread eagle
A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was on her knees."
Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill every day at 5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is the first lady.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town. |
