>yawn< the empire awaketh. Bacon-N-Eggs. Orange Juice. Coffee...
...>click< goes the tee-vee; "Overseas markets are stable today". >yawn< "The White House hoping Russia goes ahead with reforms. Let's go to Frankfurt, and talk to an ugly-looking woman with a thick, Churman accent..."
"ja, vell ze DAX izt, vell, izt opp todag, zurprizingly zo"
"And what is going up there, in, uh, Frankfurt this morning ?"
"ja, vell ze bankz, zey are going opp todag, zurprizingly zo. Vee izt opp, vell, almost dree percent here. Nobody izt believing zist rrally, zo - nein; izt not happening, rreally".
"ok. Now, let's go to London, and talk to an Englishman holding up English newspapers to the television camera..."
"Right. Here is the headline from The Times".
"Is that a terrorist there, or a Muslim priest...?"
"Right. It's a terrorist, mate."
"And what's the business news there in London this morning ?"
"Right. It's a bit brisk here today. Wear a trenchcoat. And British Airways has told Boeing Aircraft to sod off, mate."
"ok. Well, the S&P Futures are, well they're up +9.30 - but, that could change. Let's review today's poll, shall we ?"
"Thank you, Bob. Are you scared by all the turmoil in financial markets? How scared are you? Are you scared enough to sell your stocks? Our latest poll says: "Most Americans Are Scared". So. In case you weren't sure where to stand, (or how, for that matter), now you know."
"ok. Let's interview our analyst now, for what stocks to avoid in this turbulent market. What should investors be looking out for ?"
"uh, commodity stocks, like oil - we're not buying those, no. And small stocks - we're not buying those, either. Tech Stocks are risky, we avoid those. We advise against financial stocks, we don't buy those, no. And industrials - stay away from those, too."
"ok. And what are you recommending to American investors today ?"
"Keebler Cookies. Great management; no exposure to Asia. And Mattel Toys. It's Christmas season - Ho, Ho, Ho! And Party City. It's down from 36 to < 18, but we think it's a fair value at 80% of book, and, you know, no exposure to Asia."
"ok. Now let's talk about Sunbeam. It's down. Dead. Not even moving any more. A Turnaround Play? Better get in now."
"Coming up - Why Mutual Funds Are Hurt In A Down Market. Standby."
-Steve |
